A letter to folks graduating with honors, By Andy Pesich.

It’s nearly commencement season, and the academic guys near the top are either talking about or handing out “honors” of one sort or another.   From my experience, this behavior comes with convincing honorees to pursue even more college in the form of graduate school programs.   A tip to honorees: acquiring even more student loans is certainly possible and can be part of your future.

And so it goes.   A comedian once said, “If you hang out in college long enough, they make you the teacher.”   The prime goal of the academic ideal is something ominous known as a “terminal” degree.   This means “there’s nothing more” not “death.”

Being that we have a utopian system, the solution to class overcrowding and other academic obstacles is to have more professors.   There just are not enough folks with terminal degrees at the moment to make class sizes smaller.   So, do consider pursuing a Scholastic and Theoretical Doctorate (STD) after your bachelors and masters degrees.   It’s true that the more deeply you delve in “it” the more likely you can receive a STD.   

Here’s a field needing support: There is a great need for more STDs in Tasmanian History (and other Tasmanian studies).   It’s a devil of a field which, with the help of a hefty grant, might afford the person pursing a STD travel money and luxury accommodations in Tasmania (I believe there’s a Trump Tower there).  Otherwise, you can easily put it on your student loan bill.   No problem.

California, even more than the rest of the world, is rich.   Because of that, student tuition is going up because Californians can afford it.   So, don’t postpone it; get your STD as soon as possible!

Dear Letter To Editor,

Last week, a group of us from what is being called the ‘No Cuts Coalition’ marched against the rising fees students will be paying and in solidarity with the faculty and staff on campus to whom furlough days—“administrative closure days”—are being offered as an “lesser evil” option to layoffs.